I don’t even think I fully knew what this word meant until Dr. Brené Brown re-introduced the world to it. She did two TED talks awhile back that are ranked as the top viewed TED talks ever. She has a Ph.D. in Social Work and labels herself a ‘shame researcher.’ This rare research position digs at the deep and difficult emotions of us humans, trying to understand how we relate, connect, and live. What she discovered after thousands of hours of interviewing people is a common thread for those of us who ‘thrive’ in life. People who thrive in their lives are people who describe their experience in this life as pretty damn happy. They feel fulfilled for the most part, and they feel they are living lives that have meaning. She discovered that people who thrive are willing to be vulnerable with others in their life. They are willing to feel and show up, not being in control, not knowing all the answers, not being perfect. Yes. I said it. Not being perfect… and showing it for those in their life to see, witness, help, and own.
Vulnerability is the state of being emotionally open to injury, or appearing as if you are. Being open to moral attack, criticism, temptation… that all sounds awful! :/ Really Brené, really? This is what you found in your research???!!
I had the privilege of hearing Dr. Brown speak at a national education conference this month. She is wicked funny and humbling and relate-able… all at the same time. This ‘discovery’ of vulnerability has been one of her greatest teachers in her own life. See when we are really ‘real’ with one another, it breaks down all the bullshit. All of the barriers that keeps us separate from one another. This separateness is creating a culture of ‘I’m right and you’re wrong’ or ‘I’m doing it well, and you’re not.” It’s creating a vibe that someone always has to lose. I recently wrote about this in my blog, in a post entitled “Do You Speak in a Way Where Someone Has to Lose?” I see it clearly in my own life… daily… and I’m trying to create change–for the sake of my happiness, and the sake of my children’s happiness. If I can be real in all the aspects of who I am, then so can they. I role model every day ‘how to be’ in this world. Am I imperfect? Damn yes. Am I okay with it? Working on it…. Am I willing to show my emotions to my people, like really? This is incredibly hard for me… working on it for sure.
Let others connect to you in your times of perceived ‘weakness’ and you will discover a strength in yourself you didn’t know was there. Perhaps you will discover a missing link of your humanity, a link that is felt and not defined. You will know how to Receive and not just give. Maybe, just maybe, you will be a step closer to living a fuller life.
For more Brené Brown, watch her other TED Talk, “Listening to Shame.”
Video from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
