I’ve recently noticed a ‘thing’ about people… a ‘thing’ I don’t really care for. A ‘thing’ that I am quite certain I do myself.
Yes one of those ‘things’ that make us kinda sick because really there’s some truth in it for ourselves… which means what? Which means: Damn, I need to change something about myself.
See I’ve come to notice that many people, just in regular conversation (although I do hear it in coaching and counseling sessions as well) tend to represent themselves and their choices in a way that “they are ‘right’,” which means “another person is ‘wrong’ or not as ‘right'” in the way they are doing or looking at ‘it.’ With this stance–Someone always has to lose–“and it isn’t going to be me… I’m right! How I think about things is right!” (Aka: it’s the only way to see things). It’s this narrow way of thinking that is done by lots and lots of people! Educated and everything! From good families ;-) !!! Even religious people do it!
Let me give an example:
Terry says to me, in a conversation about our kids and food, “We only eat organic and natural food in our house. Knowing what we all know about what’s in food these days, why would you eat any other way? We would never go to a fast food restaurant. Its all garbage, cancer-causing chemicals that create addiction and dependency and disease.”
I was like “wow!” It was certainly a big assumption to make that my family and I eat in that way and hold the same beliefs around food. His statement, which was deeply personal, does not hold a space for others to also be okay. Or that other parents believe differently, can’t afford organic and natural 100% of the time, or that simply they are not as educated about this topic as they are. A belief system that allows for other ways of thinking to exist also allows for us to be connected to one another. This example only allows for one way to be ‘right,’ and others outside of this view to be ‘wrong’, which separates us from one another.
Can we hold a bigger space for many other viewpoints to also be okay? Maybe I am doing the best I can with the tools I have… and maybe you are too.
Do you speak in a way where others have to lose? Do you have to be right all the time? If so, how does that effect your relationships with those around you? Do you feel close to them OR better than them?
As someone who struggles with this herself, I am making a commitment to being different–to allow everyone in the room to feel good about their choices, opinions, and way of seeing life. If I want to feel more connected and closer to the people in my life, then I must do this… I must.
