I have found myself in many situations over the past few years where I am helping grieving people after the loss of a loved one, friend, co-worker, etc. I’m a counselor and a coach so its not surprising that I’m called in for these things or that I am present and witness in the wake of a loss.
We often associate grief with darkness…don’t we? Love with light. Like they are separate ends of the spectrum. We say “you will come out of the darkness” of your pain. You will “live in the light” again. That dichotomy is felt in the words we use, and also in our hearts.
A few years ago I was experiencing a tremendous loss myself, while helping others go through it as well. I felt dark, and the grief was heavy. At one point during the funeral, I looked around at crying faces and grief-stricken families, and had a sudden realization, perhaps an epiphany, that grief was really love. Profound love and profound light that could be shed on such sadness, such darkness.
In that moment, it all shifted for me. In that moment, I came to realize a new truth: that at the heart of darkness, there was actually light. In the midst of profound pain and suffering, love was there. It was there all the time, and its like I forgot about it. See, to grieve heavily was to have loved profoundly. Without love, there is no grief… without grief, there was no love. In the heart of darkness there is love. In love, light is always there. This realization has radically changed how I relate to life and death now….I can be present to all of it, the sorrow or the joy, the anger or the confusion. I felt it and I know it, because it all comes back to love. Every time.
