“Become a great listener and you will be loved more than a giver of great gifts.”
-Matthew Kelly, author of Resisting Happiness
Being in the presence of someone who is a good listener does something for you… I think it makes you a better person.
When you are talking with someone and they are actively hearing you, they are quiet most of the time, making good eye contact with you, nodding their head periodically, perhaps. They are able to summarize your main points or the essence of your message and tell it back to you. Even deeper, when that person can reflect back how you felt or how you are feeling, then you experience really being heard.
Given the time and space to ‘tell our story’ to another person is truly wonderful. We don’t experience it enough. I think we get used to being interrupted, running out of time, or having the conversation get turned onto the listener and completely away from us. This, unfortunately, has seemed to become the norm in conversations. The social skill of listening (and yes, this is an actual skill) is being lost. Are we handing down this ability to our own kids, or are we modeling brief conversations that allow for the exchange of logistical information only? Do we show our kids that interruptions are actually an opportunity to turn the conversation back to us and our life? Or are we modeling completely distracted listening (you know: you and your phone)? Kids tell me all the time “my parents don’t listen to me…they are on their phone all the time and fake that they are listening to me.” Ironically, that is what parents also say to me, “my child is on their phone all the time, I don’t think they hear half of what I say.”
Sigh… the answer is not as simple as putting down our phones (although that’s a GREAT start). I believe the answer lies in displaying a greater presence with one another–a greater involvement in the present moment. When our minds, bodies, spirt, are all in ‘real time’, we are curious and interested in the person in front of us and what they have to say. It is really all that is important in that moment. And the person in front of you feels your presence, your interest. Listening becomes an essential connector of people.
They feel heard, seen, and cared for…. Sounds nice doesn’t it?
