“But no matter the medicinal virtues of being a true friend or sustaining a long close relationship with another, the ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self, the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them, for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.”
I love this quote from CONSOLATIONS: The Solace, Nourishment & Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words. It speaks to Presence. How really ‘being present with someone’ is the ultimate gift in life. Presence is the awareness of another person. An awareness that transcends just seeing their physical being, but acknowledging their spirit, the essence of who they are in that moment. When you are witnessed by another human being in this way, it is transforming, profound, and necessary. Necessary for happiness, yes… and necessary for even normal day-to-day functioning. A real acknowledgement from another that “I see you” is more precious than any amount of money or material possessions.
Have you ever had this experience: where you are telling a story about something that happened to you–a meaningful story maybe, or even a wicked funny one–and the person or people you are telling it to just stares at you afterwards? Or maybe they try to ‘top’ your story with their own bigger story, or try to compete in someway with what you just said? I know you are nodding your head right now! Yes, of course we all have had this experience. And how did it make you feel? Mad? Sad? Confused? You don’t just want that person to nod their head and say “uh huh,” you want them to smile, laugh, sum up what you just said so you know they ‘got it’ or that they ‘get you.’ To be seen in this way is a true gift from another person!
Soooo….are you really present in other people’s lives? What could you improve upon in this area? What would your close friends, spouse, kids, extended family say about your ability to really be with them in their lives? We all have tons of distractions, so being genuinely present is a real effort. It’s all about taking a breath, shutting down the mental chatter, and listening. Really listening! The pay-off will be greater connection with the people in your life. And connection, I believe, is really the bigger picture of what this life is all about. :)
