What is the hardest part of being human?
I would argue that most people’s answer to that question would have to do with dealing with difficult emotions that stem from difficult life situations. Something bad or burdensome happens and we feel a certain way. Often we feel ANGRY or SCARED, or perhaps even SAD and LONELY. These are emotions. Emotions are a complex pattern of changes, feelings, thinking patterns, and behavioral reactions in response to a situation perceived to be personally significant. AND, if left unchecked, can influence our mood for hours, days, even weeks and months.
I would like to suggest that we learn to ‘Ride the Wave’ of our strong emotions. That instead of resisting against them/avoiding or numbing them (with alcohol, drugs, food), that we experience them. What’s the worst that can happen? We feel bad for a period of time? Yes. What’s the best that can happen? We get over it and move on? Yes.
I’d like to suggest a prescription for dealing with strong and difficult emotions:
- First, name the emotion – I am ‘Angry’.
- Second, notice the physical sensations in your body – I am starting to sweat and I’m getting a stomach ache.
- Third, breathe. Take 5 deep breaths.
- Fourth, allow yourself to experience the anger (note how negative you feel and allow yourself to feel it).
- Fifth, observe outside of yourself your feelings and reactions. “I notice I am getting ready to yell at her and I feel like an 8 on a 1-to-10 scale of anger.” Observation can help you experience the emotion without being overcome by it.
When you become more and more aware of your experience of a strong emotion like anger, this gives you greater control over it. You train yourself to not be overcome by it. Anger, specifically, feels both good and bad in the moment. You feel empowered over the situation when you are intensely angry, but also immensely uncomfortable and even shameful once you start to come down from it.
Riding the Wave of emotions allows us to move through a strong feeling faster. There are no ‘wrong’ feelings. All feelings are legitimate and okay. We get into trouble when our behaviors become negative in reaction to our feelings.
Play with this concept in your real life and see if it can help you to not only feel better, but also to feel more in control of your strong emotions. And then ask yourself, “What did I learn from this?” Then use this information to move forward, which will ultimately help you as you ride through every day of your life.
